On Spiritual Family: The Strong Family Members

In our physical families, the older siblings usually have stronger personalities than that of the younger ones, considering that they are physically and emotionally more mature and physically more able. They usually live up to that authority over the younger. If they did not receive proper guidance, they become the bully and will only do what they want with the weaker siblings. Unfortunately, the weaker will have no choice but to follow. But, if nurtured with love and good values, they become the protector, the role model, and the good leader. They will develop to become fully responsible, looking after the welfare of their younger brothers/sisters.

In most rural areas in the Philippines, the eldest brother/sister usually is given the task to oversee the younger siblings while the parents are away into their jobs. The parents tend to put all their resources onto the eldest child's education so that in turn, he will take care of financing the education of his younger sibling as soon as he finished a degree and get a job. I consider this a systematic way to train and direct him to a certain goal and give him enough determination to pursue his career and be responsible later in his life.

Paul also used this strategy in training the stronger Christians, directed them toward a goal, that is to nurture the weaker Christians, and he admonished them to bear with their weaknesses. He discouraged them from being so radical and insensitive, but rather advised them to handle with extreme care their delicate status as weaker disciples.

He laid out the responsibility of the strong believers when he wrote to the Romans:

To accept the weak and young believers, as God did accept them (Rom. 14:1,3)
To not despise the weak believer (Rom. 14:2)
To not pass judgment on him because of his immature beliefs (Rom 14:3-4; 10)
To not put a stumbling block in his way (Rom. 14:13,20)
To show love by not exposing them to things that will bring out their weakness (Rom. 14:15)
To be willing to sacrifice so as not to ruin weaker ones (Rom. 14:15)
To pursue peace in the body of Christ (Rom. 14:17,19)
To edify and build up the weak believer, putting up stepping stones to growth (Rom. 14:19)
To not flaunt our liberty before our weak brother (Rom. 14:22)
To bear patiently his weaknesses (Rom. 15:1)
To not be pleasing self (Rom. 15:1)

The strong church members do not please themselves. They do not gratify their own selfish desires. They don't boss around, but aim for the edification and maturity of their brothers and sisters, even if this involves personal sacrifice and self-denial. They sincerely speak to inspire, build up, teach, correct and educate, rather than offensively criticize or embarrass those who are ignorant or make negative comments about them at their backs. They know how to appreciate the petty achievements of the less mature brothers so as to encourage them to take another step higher, do better and accomplish more. Literally, they will be on support all the way till the weaker Christians can face more difficult challenges in their spiritual lives.

Reflections:
 How far have we gone to call ourselves "Strong"?
 How far can we go in patiently tolerating the weakness of the weaker Christian and train him to become spiritually stable?
 Up to what extent can we give ourselves (our time, effort, love and understanding) to others whom we nurture to become spiritually strong?
 What were the instances that we put a brother/sister on a stumbling situation? What should we do to rectify this?

Challenge:
Make a list of those whom you perceive to be weak brothers and sisters. Corresponding to their names, put their concerns, also indicate your action points to help them become stronger.

Keep this in mind:
We all started as young, vulnerable and helpless Christians. Without the forbearance of the stronger ones, we did not reach this spiritual level we are now standing on. Some are now strong lay leaders, some became evangelists, and some are deeply engaged into the missionary works. All these happened because the strong brothers and sisters took courage, patience and sacrifice in nurturing us to become better spiritual family members.

On Spiritual Family: Sharing a Common Personality (Part I)

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:3

Not to exaggerate but I had known of a family who never had any moment of peace inside the house. Whenever they gather together, expect that there will always be hot moments of argument, shouting, disrespecting, cursing at one another, blaming, and ultimately, brooding unhealthy resentment and hatred.

Trying to analyze why each family member behaves that way, I came up to know that each child were assigned a nanny, while the parents were so engaged deeply into their own profession, and never pause to pay attention to what was happening with the kids. These nannies had no relationship with each other, not even close friendship. Often times you see them fighting and having bad issues against one another. Worst, they influenced the children by feeding them bias perceptions against their siblings. Because of this, the children never enjoyed the company of one another as they grow up. And so, each child developed a personality entirely deviating from the others.

On the side of the parents, while they were so busy with their own affairs, they never get any chance to be involved in each other's life. They never had any opportunity to conform to the personalities of one another because they are basically ignorant about each other. As husband and wife, their personalities should have been slowly coming to harmony through frequent spending time with each other, and have at least the time to put in their common principles, beliefs, goals and aspirations on which they based their family building upon.

In our Spiritual Family, why is it important to attain Common Personality? What benefit can it give us to have common thoughts, feelings, behavior and lifestyle? How does God govern our relationship? What is His goal for us, as His spiritual family? Lastly, how do we attain common personality?

The Only Model and Pattern

In I Timothy 4:16, Paul advised Timothy to watch his “life and doctrine” closely, and to persevere in them. The same advice is addressed to us, as it is very applicable in our relationship with one another. If we believe in “one right doctrine” that is based on the Bible only, we will get unified by that same belief, speak the same language and live out the same lifestyle. Sometimes, our interpretation of the doctrines varies, as we get messages based on our needs and ways of perceiving things. With the intercession of the Holy Spirit, we will clearly understand what message God is giving us. The same message will therefore be shared to all.

Pride and stubbornness hampers the right doctrine to flow through our veins, thus, powerful enough to cause division within the Spiritual Family. There are times that we think we believe in the right thing and close our ears to other views, our common close-minded excuse, “I don’t want to confuse myself.” Another traditional excuse, “I am only following what my elders taught me.” And still another stubborn excuse, “I grew up with this belief, it is causing me no harm, why should I bother to change.” These excuses were already been encountered by Paul while building the ministry, so it shows his authority to warn Timothy (II Timothy 4:3) about the stubbornness of the people who will listen only to what their “itching ears wants to hear.”

Actually, we don’t have to worry about confusion because God had given us the spirit of wise discernment for as long as we invite the presence of the Holy Spirit to reveal the right message to us. The writer of the book of Hebrews (Hebrews 5:14) said, upon maturing, we acquired knowledge and had been trained to distinguish good from evil.

What if each member of the spiritual family is unwilling to conform to the right doctrine, what kind of church will we build? How can we imagine our group to be a fellowship of arguing Christians, who push views different from the others’, and who live out own lives apart from the rest?

Point to remember: The Bible is the only reference that we, as spiritual family, can be unified upon. Read it, ponder upon it, believe it and apply the principles you learn from it in your life.

You will see that as you apply those principles, you are slowly coming closer and closer into harmony with your spiritual brothers and sisters. And one day you will realize that you cannot live apart from the Spiritual Family, which is our Permanent Family afterall.

On Spiritual Family: The Virtue of Caring

Art Work of Joselito Barcelona




Text: Luke 10:30-37 - Good Samaritan

If we come to know of somebody's misfortune, It is so easy for us to openly sigh and say, "What a pitiful fellow he is!" Is this what we call CARE? Or, we think of something deeper than that?

Care is performing supportive, sympathetic actions to bear portion of the load of burden that a fellow is carrying at the moment. It is simply, extending unselfish help to the one who needs it. Words are just words, so it is so easy to say, 'I Care!'. But true care calls for an action.

In the Philippines, we have this cultural practice called "Bayanihan" (as depicted by the painting featured above), wherein the whole neighborhood will come and help a needy family in the community. Through the collective efforts of the group, a burdensome task can easily be carried out in a short period of time. If a family holds a party, we don't have to hire caterers to prepare the food, but neighbors will come and set things up from cooking to decorating the whole party area - all for free. Even, we don't have to bother about utensils. They will bring their plates, cuttleries, pots, laddles etc. You can see the same scenario when harvest season comes. Together, they will come and harvest ones crops without expecting anything in return but a promise that you will also do the same to others.

Reflection 1: As a Christian, do I involve myself deeply into the activities of helping a brother/sister who is in dire need of help? Or, I just stand, watch and let other people do the action?

Read Galatians 6:2

Care is feeling the hurts that our fellow is going through. You may truly understand one's feeling if you put yourself into his shoes. If a person confides to you his problems, he is certainly expecting you NOT to put blame on him but to win your sympathy. He wants you to listen and try to understand his position and situation. But we need to be careful when we give advises or word of consolations, or we might be fanning one's wrong emotions. True care is founded on the ground of righteousness. It sets wrong things right, in a right manner, right place and right time.

Reflection 2: When was the last time a brother or sister confided to me his concerns? What was my reaction? What will I do the next time someone will approach me to seek advise?

Read Hebrews 10:23-25

Care is proactive. It is anticipating what may become of someone you care for. A parent will always ensure that his/her toddler will not stumble, fall and get hurt, and so, he will clear all possible hazards from the floor. He also knows exactly what the child needs before he even ask for it.

Jesus was followed by a large crowd of five thousand, who longed to be with Him and witness His miracles. He looked at them with His compassionate eyes and immediately knew exactly what they needed, after He healed their sickness, He satisfied their hunger out of few pieces of fish and loaves, all because He cared.

Reflection 3: Do I usually perceive the needs of my brothers and sisters and care enough to offer help before he/she ask for it?

Read Matthew 14:13-21; and 1 John 3:17


Care is courageously taking the risk. If you care, you don't mind what others may tell you, say about you or do to you. You are only focused on pursuing your righteous purpose and attaining a noble goal for others sake. Care is always a heroic quality of not being afraid to lose something just to gain a benefit for others.

Reflection 4: Is there any instance that I had to go through a risky situation just to help a brother or sister? Am I willing to sacrifice something (maybe time, effort, things, money or even life) for other disciples gain?

Read 1 John 3:16

Care is knowing a person inside out. It is not judging him based on impressions, expectations and obvious attributes. Care compels you to spend time with the person, know his background, familiarize his reactions to various situations, pay attention to his mannerisms and habits. Knowing a person requires constant communication and close encounters.

In this computer age, cutting-edge technology in communication allows us no excuse. Hermitage no longer exists as we all have communication media to influence our whole being. If we truly care, we must go extra miles, deny ourselves and talk to at least one of the brothers or sisters everyday through any means we have. Phone, ichat, email, sms, and many others. One person a day, keeps selfishness away.

Reflection 5: When did I last spend time with a brother or sister? Do I know about each of them deeply? Am I considered to be one of their closest friend?

Read Matthew 25:31-46

Final Reflection:
As a member of this Spiritual Family, how do I rate myself in the aspect of caring, based on the descriptions given above? What plan of action should I take to monitor my growth in the area of caring?

Suggestion:
1 Thessalonians 2:7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.

Paul described his care to the Thessalonians as "MOTHER CARING FOR HIS LITTLE CHILDREN." Think about how our own mother cared for us, itemize the descriptions, create a checklist and a rating scale, apply them in our relationships within the Family of God, and daily, you rate yourself. This will surely help you attain maturity in the aspect of CARING.

On Spiritual Family: At The Dining Table

And all that believed were together, and had all things a common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had a need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and by singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved. Acts 2:44-47

In 1992, I was converted into true Christianity in the campus ministry. The campus disciples were so bonded that it's hard to bid goodbye from one another when dismissal hour comes. I asked my leader what could be the element that we couldn't easily identify which made our relationship so bonded like that. And he showed me Acts 2:44-47. It was then that I realized, we had things in common (of course not the toothbrush!). We always share our things to one other, school supplies, perfumes, books and others. There are times that one of us will come to school, not a single coin in pocket for transportation fare. We usually chip-in and give it to the needy brother or sister. And at meal time, we tend to pool-in our allowances, go to the school cafeteria and share lunch together. So those who had nothing will be as equally satisfied as those who dropped penny into the hat. The fact that we are having our lunch together gave us the chance to know one another at best and deal with one another according to his personality. And we developed a strong harmony that binds us together as disciples.

At home, we encourage all members to be present at the dining table every meal time, to where we can share pleasantries, funny anecdotes and significant experiences of the day, latest news, concerns in the school and at work, new discoveries and knowledge, and many others. The interests and personality of each family member is being captured while savoring mother's menu through table interactions, thus create closeness. It's also the time we can pray together and thank God for all the blessings we enjoyed all throughout the day. Infront of the table, we were being taught how to share, care, respect, act with modesty and deliberately, spend time wisely, and many more things. In front of the table, great virtues are formed.

I usually put my observing spectacles on my two daughters while they are taking their dinner. I notice that they don’t share much stories anywhere as much as they do infront of the table. They are usually noisy, laughing, cheering, singing together and everything. They also correct each other at the wrong choice of words they utter, or they talk about good acts, and persons they admire in the class, school bus or an artist in the television. And sometimes, they argue. Good that I am there to teach and guide them. Learning good etiquette comes spontaneously to them and every time we sit infront of the table, they learn new things.
Everyone loves eating. We serve food in every occasion. But there’s more than just eating. Dining is a celebration of God’s blessing. It is a show of thanksgiving and merriment. A party is no party without dining. Opportunity of relationship building comes in a party, while we altogether feast on the bountiful food served at the table. It is a time for fellowshipping with our relatives and friends whom we did not meet for long. In a party, a friendship sprouts, a familial tie strengthens, an enmity ends, learning is acquired, emotional and social skill is developed.

In God’s Family, the Church, we can always apply this practice. It's a fun to invite brothers and sisters to spend weekend with us and enjoy great dinner together. Like the first century Christian, we too can enjoy great family relationships by “Breaking Bread Together”. Or, we don’t need to be so festive. Just a sip of coffee together can bring closer relationships among brothers and sisters in the Kingdom of God.

Flaws and Imperfections

One thing that destroys our mood at times is the fact that we encounter flaws and imperfections in our environment. We always expect things to be in perfect quality, manner, shape and condition. If we go to the supermarket we pick up stuff and before we throw them into our shopping cart, we scrutinize, we fiddle, we squeeze, we press, we knock it on, we smell, we caress, we try them on, we read expiry dates, etc. We do these because we want to make sure that we are buying the quality of products we want to buy out of the value we pay. Nowadays, China-made products flooded the market and most often than not, they are devoid of durability. One time, my wife picked up a beautiful night lamp from a gift shop and we saw it running as the storekeeper tried it on. But as soon as she got home, she was so delighted about the new gadget that she immediately took it out from the plastic bag and plugged it into the power supply. A sharp light sparked accompanied by a nerve-rocking pop sound from the bulb while electric fume and smoke filled the air. I stood up frozen at the sight of the gadget on aflame. My wife was so mad furious that she immediately walked passed me, grabbed the lamp and went back to the store. I was not aware of what transpired within the store, but my wife came back carrying another piece. The whole day, she could not stop talking about it. And, surely it ruined her whole day.

Decision: I will not let flaws and imperfections ruin one day of my existence here on earth.

Perfectionism is a mental disease infecting many people, especially those who set high standards on everything they possess, do or utter. It is in fact contagious. My former lady boss happens to be a typical perfectionist. She would make it sure that our works are devoid of anything questionable before she will finally approves them. If she would find a single flaw, she tends to come out from her office and would recite her long ear-stinging litany until we get pissed off. We actually never enjoyed working with her. Nowadays, whenever we, as her former subordinates meet together, we would just make her memorable speech subjects of our pleasantries. There’s no good memories established while we work with her. And so now, we all became bosses, ourselves. Least thing that we realized is that we indeed inherited her contagious perfectionism. At least, I became aware of it so I was able to reform my style of supervision, but my former colleagues find it necessary and practical. Asking them if they enjoy being perfectionists, or even did it make them happy to set too stringent standards, they will just show me face of disapproval.

Decision: I will not ruin my good relationship with my colleagues/subordinates and established bad memories of me, as their co-worker. Moreso, I want them to learn good values and traits out of my good examples.

Famous old time painters, though their works are tagged “flawless” by many, will only be grilled by art critics if they find a single tiny unwanted imperfection. Once the criticism is publicized, the value of the piece will surely diminish to the disappointment of art enthusiasts. In my childhood, my mother was presented a piece of Borja’s oil-on-canvass. The piece, which was given by a well-to-do relative, depicts a boat lying beside a big tree trunk which has grown at the stream’s bank. Across the stream was a neat shack built out of bamboo stems, rough logs, and dried grass leaves. On the background were plenty of trees, grasses and colorful flowers. A rugged bamboo bridge provided access to the shack from the other side of the stream. At first, I was utterly amazed by the way everything was painted, especially the clouds and skies. The painter was so full of dexterity that he painted them as if you are gazing at the real skies, so full of life. But one thing turned me off - the casting of lights was not proper. In the painting, you see the sun at the left side which supposed to cast lights and produce shadows at the opposite side. But there was irregularity in the source of lights. In that sense, my appreciation of the whole painting vanished in thin air. My perfectionism destroyed my good perception at that painting forever. What if, that painting is a person?

Decision: I will not ruin my good perception of something or somebody because of one unpleasant trait or character they possessed.

PERFECTNESS is only based on the one who perceives it perfect. It all depends on the criteria or standard one has set on the object. If we strain our eyes to view a single flaw, we can surely find one or even more.

When I was about to get my newly purchased car from the showroom, I worried about factory defects which may cause accidents. As, I entered into the warehouse where all vehicles for delivery were stored, my mind was trying to itemize the things I have to check to completely say that everything is acceptable based on the standard I set so I can declare that the car is in “PERFECTLY SAFE CONDITION.” The attendant walk toward my car wearing a friendly congratulating grin, pulled out a key from his pocket and swiftly made it into the driver’s seat. Effortlessly, the car engine ignited, the way I expected it to be. The roaring sound as he stamped harder on the accelerator pedal did not pound a bit on my tympanum, up to the level I expect it to be. No suspicious squeaking or gritting sounds was there, accompanying the roars. It was perfectly oiled and lubricated, the way I expected it to be. I went round and round the shiny sedan, running my hands over the surfaces and trying to feel unusual dents, bruises and marks. I took out the flashlight from my backpack and beam it against the surfaces to check for ugly swirl marks. The surfaces were entirely up to my satisfaction, except one. On the front bumper, there was a mark, the size of a soda bottle cap and resembles a shallow ripple created by a drop fell over a quiet surface of water. I frowned and started complaining in dissatisfaction. I told the attendant to do something about it, otherwise they should change the unit. With concerned look, he said, “No worries. That thing won’t give you any pains. I’ll tell our painter to fix it.”

The attendant was right, I realize. It should do no harm on me, except the emotional defeat. One hard word and I’m totally defeated. Coming back to my senses, I recommended him not to bother anymore. So I drove off enjoying the excitement of the new possession. As I was half-way to my place, my car suddenly stopped…… and to my dismay I ran out of gas!

Decision: For as long as flaw or imperfection will cause no harm, I will tolerate it.

Truly, high expectations and perfectionism does not pay. It will only destroy the quality of your precious time and creates a dent in your good memories, not only yours but others’ as well. Let us be reminded that all things are meant to be imperfect and let us be contented on the way they are. We are here in this life to fix imperfections and create a wonderful, beautiful piece out of it.

SAY IT: MY LIFE IS PIECE OF IMPERFECT PAINTING. IT TAKES ONLY A SINGLE DECISION TO CORRECT THE IMPERFECTIONS BY ENJOYING THE IMPERFECTIONS OF THINGS, CIRCUMSTANCES AND PEOPLE AROUND.

Learning To Make Every Second Worthwhile

By: Peregrino V. Taccad, Jr.

Excerpts of my memorable past and the lessons I gained from them

What makes up Memories?

A person’s life is a continuous unraveling story, from conception down to his last breath. Each life is bounded by time, counted by milestones of year, the very reason why we celebrate our birthdays and make it very memorable each year. Whatever happens within a minute of that life is entirely different from anything happened before that. It could be a repetition of the previous actions but it is never the same. New things, new circumstances continuously flow like a fast moving conveyor taking us through life’s various points of no return. Noone can possibly rewind one’s life, except God.

Situations are combinations of planned course of actions and unplanned, accidental and surprising occurrences. They are blends of good, neutral and bad forces surrounding our existence. As we go through many situations from birth to present, memories have been continuously and inevitable stacking up. Some makes you smile, some makes you burst to tears, some are teeth-gritting, and some are worth burying into the cemetery of forgotten as they are too insignificant to remember.

Our ultimate goal in this life is to create all pleasant, meaningful and purposeful memories, life-giving and inspirational traces of footsteps wherever we go and whatever the situation we may encounter. We are here on earth to turn curses to blessings; to sow seed of joy despite sadness; to display love, affection and understanding amidst abominable circumstances; and to teach the younger generations to live in harmony and peace with one another despite differences in colors, races, cultures, principles and beliefs.

I remember in my High School days, in our subject, Military Science, we were made to recite the famous verse of Stephen Grellet that goes this way:

"I shall pass through this world but once; any good, therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. "

In my subsequent postings, I will be featuring excerpts of my memorable past that leave life’s lessons worthy to be shared to everyone who are patient enough to read follow my blog. I do hope you will share your experiences too.

Peregrine's Study Room Foreword

I started this blog with the intention to share what I learned from my every day walk with God.  It contains lessons from my own experiences, from what I read in the books, from what I feel, from what others had taught me.... basically all learnings.  Anyone may agree or disagree, cast doubts on or bring light, moreso, anybody can add anything into it.  Hoping that everyone who read this blog will gain wisdom from it........