On Spiritual Family: Sharing a Common Personality (Part I)

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:3

Not to exaggerate but I had known of a family who never had any moment of peace inside the house. Whenever they gather together, expect that there will always be hot moments of argument, shouting, disrespecting, cursing at one another, blaming, and ultimately, brooding unhealthy resentment and hatred.

Trying to analyze why each family member behaves that way, I came up to know that each child were assigned a nanny, while the parents were so engaged deeply into their own profession, and never pause to pay attention to what was happening with the kids. These nannies had no relationship with each other, not even close friendship. Often times you see them fighting and having bad issues against one another. Worst, they influenced the children by feeding them bias perceptions against their siblings. Because of this, the children never enjoyed the company of one another as they grow up. And so, each child developed a personality entirely deviating from the others.

On the side of the parents, while they were so busy with their own affairs, they never get any chance to be involved in each other's life. They never had any opportunity to conform to the personalities of one another because they are basically ignorant about each other. As husband and wife, their personalities should have been slowly coming to harmony through frequent spending time with each other, and have at least the time to put in their common principles, beliefs, goals and aspirations on which they based their family building upon.

In our Spiritual Family, why is it important to attain Common Personality? What benefit can it give us to have common thoughts, feelings, behavior and lifestyle? How does God govern our relationship? What is His goal for us, as His spiritual family? Lastly, how do we attain common personality?

The Only Model and Pattern

In I Timothy 4:16, Paul advised Timothy to watch his “life and doctrine” closely, and to persevere in them. The same advice is addressed to us, as it is very applicable in our relationship with one another. If we believe in “one right doctrine” that is based on the Bible only, we will get unified by that same belief, speak the same language and live out the same lifestyle. Sometimes, our interpretation of the doctrines varies, as we get messages based on our needs and ways of perceiving things. With the intercession of the Holy Spirit, we will clearly understand what message God is giving us. The same message will therefore be shared to all.

Pride and stubbornness hampers the right doctrine to flow through our veins, thus, powerful enough to cause division within the Spiritual Family. There are times that we think we believe in the right thing and close our ears to other views, our common close-minded excuse, “I don’t want to confuse myself.” Another traditional excuse, “I am only following what my elders taught me.” And still another stubborn excuse, “I grew up with this belief, it is causing me no harm, why should I bother to change.” These excuses were already been encountered by Paul while building the ministry, so it shows his authority to warn Timothy (II Timothy 4:3) about the stubbornness of the people who will listen only to what their “itching ears wants to hear.”

Actually, we don’t have to worry about confusion because God had given us the spirit of wise discernment for as long as we invite the presence of the Holy Spirit to reveal the right message to us. The writer of the book of Hebrews (Hebrews 5:14) said, upon maturing, we acquired knowledge and had been trained to distinguish good from evil.

What if each member of the spiritual family is unwilling to conform to the right doctrine, what kind of church will we build? How can we imagine our group to be a fellowship of arguing Christians, who push views different from the others’, and who live out own lives apart from the rest?

Point to remember: The Bible is the only reference that we, as spiritual family, can be unified upon. Read it, ponder upon it, believe it and apply the principles you learn from it in your life.

You will see that as you apply those principles, you are slowly coming closer and closer into harmony with your spiritual brothers and sisters. And one day you will realize that you cannot live apart from the Spiritual Family, which is our Permanent Family afterall.

On Spiritual Family: The Virtue of Caring

Art Work of Joselito Barcelona




Text: Luke 10:30-37 - Good Samaritan

If we come to know of somebody's misfortune, It is so easy for us to openly sigh and say, "What a pitiful fellow he is!" Is this what we call CARE? Or, we think of something deeper than that?

Care is performing supportive, sympathetic actions to bear portion of the load of burden that a fellow is carrying at the moment. It is simply, extending unselfish help to the one who needs it. Words are just words, so it is so easy to say, 'I Care!'. But true care calls for an action.

In the Philippines, we have this cultural practice called "Bayanihan" (as depicted by the painting featured above), wherein the whole neighborhood will come and help a needy family in the community. Through the collective efforts of the group, a burdensome task can easily be carried out in a short period of time. If a family holds a party, we don't have to hire caterers to prepare the food, but neighbors will come and set things up from cooking to decorating the whole party area - all for free. Even, we don't have to bother about utensils. They will bring their plates, cuttleries, pots, laddles etc. You can see the same scenario when harvest season comes. Together, they will come and harvest ones crops without expecting anything in return but a promise that you will also do the same to others.

Reflection 1: As a Christian, do I involve myself deeply into the activities of helping a brother/sister who is in dire need of help? Or, I just stand, watch and let other people do the action?

Read Galatians 6:2

Care is feeling the hurts that our fellow is going through. You may truly understand one's feeling if you put yourself into his shoes. If a person confides to you his problems, he is certainly expecting you NOT to put blame on him but to win your sympathy. He wants you to listen and try to understand his position and situation. But we need to be careful when we give advises or word of consolations, or we might be fanning one's wrong emotions. True care is founded on the ground of righteousness. It sets wrong things right, in a right manner, right place and right time.

Reflection 2: When was the last time a brother or sister confided to me his concerns? What was my reaction? What will I do the next time someone will approach me to seek advise?

Read Hebrews 10:23-25

Care is proactive. It is anticipating what may become of someone you care for. A parent will always ensure that his/her toddler will not stumble, fall and get hurt, and so, he will clear all possible hazards from the floor. He also knows exactly what the child needs before he even ask for it.

Jesus was followed by a large crowd of five thousand, who longed to be with Him and witness His miracles. He looked at them with His compassionate eyes and immediately knew exactly what they needed, after He healed their sickness, He satisfied their hunger out of few pieces of fish and loaves, all because He cared.

Reflection 3: Do I usually perceive the needs of my brothers and sisters and care enough to offer help before he/she ask for it?

Read Matthew 14:13-21; and 1 John 3:17


Care is courageously taking the risk. If you care, you don't mind what others may tell you, say about you or do to you. You are only focused on pursuing your righteous purpose and attaining a noble goal for others sake. Care is always a heroic quality of not being afraid to lose something just to gain a benefit for others.

Reflection 4: Is there any instance that I had to go through a risky situation just to help a brother or sister? Am I willing to sacrifice something (maybe time, effort, things, money or even life) for other disciples gain?

Read 1 John 3:16

Care is knowing a person inside out. It is not judging him based on impressions, expectations and obvious attributes. Care compels you to spend time with the person, know his background, familiarize his reactions to various situations, pay attention to his mannerisms and habits. Knowing a person requires constant communication and close encounters.

In this computer age, cutting-edge technology in communication allows us no excuse. Hermitage no longer exists as we all have communication media to influence our whole being. If we truly care, we must go extra miles, deny ourselves and talk to at least one of the brothers or sisters everyday through any means we have. Phone, ichat, email, sms, and many others. One person a day, keeps selfishness away.

Reflection 5: When did I last spend time with a brother or sister? Do I know about each of them deeply? Am I considered to be one of their closest friend?

Read Matthew 25:31-46

Final Reflection:
As a member of this Spiritual Family, how do I rate myself in the aspect of caring, based on the descriptions given above? What plan of action should I take to monitor my growth in the area of caring?

Suggestion:
1 Thessalonians 2:7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.

Paul described his care to the Thessalonians as "MOTHER CARING FOR HIS LITTLE CHILDREN." Think about how our own mother cared for us, itemize the descriptions, create a checklist and a rating scale, apply them in our relationships within the Family of God, and daily, you rate yourself. This will surely help you attain maturity in the aspect of CARING.

On Spiritual Family: At The Dining Table

And all that believed were together, and had all things a common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had a need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and by singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved. Acts 2:44-47

In 1992, I was converted into true Christianity in the campus ministry. The campus disciples were so bonded that it's hard to bid goodbye from one another when dismissal hour comes. I asked my leader what could be the element that we couldn't easily identify which made our relationship so bonded like that. And he showed me Acts 2:44-47. It was then that I realized, we had things in common (of course not the toothbrush!). We always share our things to one other, school supplies, perfumes, books and others. There are times that one of us will come to school, not a single coin in pocket for transportation fare. We usually chip-in and give it to the needy brother or sister. And at meal time, we tend to pool-in our allowances, go to the school cafeteria and share lunch together. So those who had nothing will be as equally satisfied as those who dropped penny into the hat. The fact that we are having our lunch together gave us the chance to know one another at best and deal with one another according to his personality. And we developed a strong harmony that binds us together as disciples.

At home, we encourage all members to be present at the dining table every meal time, to where we can share pleasantries, funny anecdotes and significant experiences of the day, latest news, concerns in the school and at work, new discoveries and knowledge, and many others. The interests and personality of each family member is being captured while savoring mother's menu through table interactions, thus create closeness. It's also the time we can pray together and thank God for all the blessings we enjoyed all throughout the day. Infront of the table, we were being taught how to share, care, respect, act with modesty and deliberately, spend time wisely, and many more things. In front of the table, great virtues are formed.

I usually put my observing spectacles on my two daughters while they are taking their dinner. I notice that they don’t share much stories anywhere as much as they do infront of the table. They are usually noisy, laughing, cheering, singing together and everything. They also correct each other at the wrong choice of words they utter, or they talk about good acts, and persons they admire in the class, school bus or an artist in the television. And sometimes, they argue. Good that I am there to teach and guide them. Learning good etiquette comes spontaneously to them and every time we sit infront of the table, they learn new things.
Everyone loves eating. We serve food in every occasion. But there’s more than just eating. Dining is a celebration of God’s blessing. It is a show of thanksgiving and merriment. A party is no party without dining. Opportunity of relationship building comes in a party, while we altogether feast on the bountiful food served at the table. It is a time for fellowshipping with our relatives and friends whom we did not meet for long. In a party, a friendship sprouts, a familial tie strengthens, an enmity ends, learning is acquired, emotional and social skill is developed.

In God’s Family, the Church, we can always apply this practice. It's a fun to invite brothers and sisters to spend weekend with us and enjoy great dinner together. Like the first century Christian, we too can enjoy great family relationships by “Breaking Bread Together”. Or, we don’t need to be so festive. Just a sip of coffee together can bring closer relationships among brothers and sisters in the Kingdom of God.